chronovore: (Default)
Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she Proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. 

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!" 
"That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"

neato

Mar. 11th, 2008 03:34 pm
chronovore: (OMFG)

I find this whole idea interesting, because one of the Stupid Business Tricks I'd been considering doing is very similar: I want to have full-on metal covers of children's songs, and call it "Warui Ko no Douyou," (Songs for Bad Children) since I see so many collections of kids' songs here in Japan labeled "Yoi Ko no Douyou" (Songs for Good Children). I mean, picture a thrashing, grindy version of "Inu no O-Mawari-san" covered by Ningen Isu... (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] super_nyanko)
chronovore: (Default)
A software supplier we're working with is using "Doxygen" to make their help/documentation files. I find the name funny.
chronovore: (Default)
Google Launches 'The Google' For Older Adults | The Onion - America's Finest News Source:
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The popular search engine Google announced plans Friday to launch a new site, TheGoogle.com, to appeal to older adults not able to navigate the original website's single text field and two clearly marked buttons.

"The Google will have all the same information currently found on regular Google, but with the added features of not stealing your credit-card numbers or giving your computer all kinds of viruses," said Rick Tillich, The Google project director. "All you have to do to turn the website on is put the little blinking line thing in the cyberspace window at the top of the screen, type 'thegoogle.com,' and press 'return'—although it will also recognize http.wwwthegoogle.com, google.aol, and 'THEGOOGLE' typed into a Word document."

Tillich added that he hopes the site will soon replace Yahoo Internet Website.com as the most popular search engine for users over 55. (thanks [livejournal.com profile] cyclopea )
chronovore: (Default)
Earthquake Sets Japan Back To 2147 | The Onion - America's Finest News Source:
TOKYO—Japanese government officials confirmed Monday that the damage wrought on Japan's national infrastructure by the July 16th earthquake—particularly on the country's protective force field, quantum teleportation system, zero-point fusion energy broadcasting grid, and psychodynamic communications network—was severe enough to set the technologically advanced island nation back approximately 300 years to a primitive mid-22nd-century state of existence. (xposted to [livejournal.com profile] nihon)
chronovore: (Default)
OpinionJournal - Taste:
Many academics would consider my lack of manliness a good thing. They regard boys as thugs-in-training, caught up in a patriarchal society that demeans women. In the 1990s the American Association of University Women (among others) positioned boys as the enemies of female progress (something Christina Hoff Sommers exposed in her book, "The War Against Boys"). But the latest trend is to depict boys as themselves victims of a testosterone-infected culture. In their book "Raising Cain," for example, the child psychologists Don Kindlon and Michael Thompson warn parents against a "culture of cruelty" among boys. Forget math, science and throwing a ball, they suggest--what your boy most needs to learn is emotional literacy.
chronovore: (Default)
Via this: LOL: Waxy.org Links, caused by this: The Making Of LOL Feeds | ianloic.com:
Last week I wrote and released my LOL Feeds site. It takes RSS or Atom feeds from the web and makes a series of lolcat-style images on a web page. It's really way funnier than it sounds.
chronovore: (furious)
Google Video - Robert Newman's History of Oil:
...and the (American) guy next door says, "I'll tell you this much about the United States, we are SURE bringing about world unity. Because the one thing that unites the entire planet: hatred of us. It's like you've all became one big nation called 'the rest of the world.'"
I said to him, "Well, actually, we did. In fact, we've even got our own flag."
"Oh, yeah?! What is it?"
"Same as yours, but on fire."
Wish I could recall which of you had this in your page - I can't recall whom to credit...
(xposted to [livejournal.com profile] danger_army )
chronovore: (Default)
Constructive Mayhem - "The rules of this game: Comment (in this case ask here) and I pick three of your interests and three of your user icons, and ask you to talk about them.":
"Well, this is fun. I have no idea what some fo the things in your interests list are.
Interests: Improper dancing, swarf, and whatever that two character one is last in your list.
images: default, magnum, furious
"
Interests:
  • Improper Dancing is very similar to Geek Dancing. It's the kind of largely arrhythmic and unselfconscious dancing that simultaneously attracts small children, like a somatic version of the Pied Piper, and repulses potential lovers. So if you're interested in going home alone, this is the kind of dancing for you. Though it is the only kind of dancing I have ever performed, it has only come to public attention in recent years through Elaine's dancing on Seinfeld (YouTube), as well as the venerable web classic How to Dance Properly by ZeFrank.
  • Swarf is a luscious vocal/electronic band from the UK. I suspect their name comes from the industrial jargon, which are shavings and leftover bits from metalworking. I learned of them through Warren Ellis' site, and have kept up with their stuff through LJ, where their lead singer keeps her blog, and [livejournal.com profile] in_the_lathe, where Swarf posts band news. They offered their music for online purchase through the now-defunct mp3ria without DRM; if you're interested in hearing them, there are clips and free live tracks at their site and full songs can be heard through their MySpace player. But no one in their right mind recommends a visit to MySpace. (shudder)
  • The two-character entry at the end of my list is "Nihon" (or the older pronunciation "Nippon") which means "Japan." The pronunciation of those characters in Chinese, "Jipang" provides the international pronuciation of my host country's name.

LJ icons:
When I first joined LJ I just did it to read friends' journals. I was convinced that there was nothing but abject misery, whining, and drama going on here. Choosing Derek Zoolander as a theme for my LJ icons was meant to be self-mocking. I trot out Magnum whenever I say something that is lewd, biting, or hoped-to-be-perceived as insightful. Furious, from the movie Mystery Men, is for when I'm spazzing out about a topic, or making fun of myself for getting worked up over nothing.
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Downloadable Content, The Penny-Arcade Podcast (@odeo, xml) As much as I like Penny-Arcade, and as easy as they make it seem to put out targeted humor regularly, it is still surprising to hear how funny Holkins and Krahulik are when they're improvising while trying to plan the comic. After a long dry-spell, they're finally updating this a bit more regularly.

Similarly improvised, but presented in a vein akin to MST3K is Broken Pixels Podcast from 1UP - in short, Shane Bettenhauser, Seanbaby, and Crispin are funny. The other crew is not particularly funny, at least in the first few episodes. Shane's group is like watching improv comics critique bad videogames on the fly, and the second group is like watching my friends play a videogame that I don't want to play, while they have a media-reference-ripe conversation in which I can't participate. I guess that implies that I'm not funny when I do that, either. Side note: I've met Shane while he was in Tokyo; he seems to be a nice guy, very sharp. I also met Seanbaby and had my "face rocked" by him at E3 a few years ago. I am a longtime fan, from his Hostess Fruit Pie pages. I think he was stunned and a little scared that anyone knew who he was.

Pacific Beat, T. Jefferson Parker
I've read several Parker books so far, and this is the first one in which I was disappointed. Silent Joe pegged my fan needle into the red so far that I have been snatching up all TJP books I can find. This one's going to make me revise that policy. His women characters are not particularly well realized, there are a number of structurally abusive red herrings thrown out, and the general feeling of the book is barely a step removed from nihilism. It's hard to know what point TJP was trying to make, if any.

Hot Fuzz:
A cop comedy and action movie piss-take from the guys that did Shawn of the Dead. It's not as focused -or- as funny as Shawn of the Dead, but I am predisposed to award additional points to anything that includes zombies. Simon Pegg plays very far from his Spaced/Shawn character, in Nicholas Angel, a hyper-competent, dead serious London "police service" officer who is transferred to a quiet village to keep him from showing up the London police force service too much. It's very similarly paced to Shawn, both in structure and shot editing. Which is to say, it's neat and serviceable, but nothing new. I'll pick up the DVD just to get the behind-the-scenes stuff and make sure I caught all of their homage sequences.

Wicker Park: Soundtrack to the movie
I don't know a damned thing about this movie, but the soundtrack is basically a who's-who of bands that I've been enjoying for the past two years: Mazzy Star, Mogwai, +/- (this is the only track that iTMS has for this band, and that's a shame), Death Cab for Cutie, The Postal Service... And I still don't know what to call this all as a genre.

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