chronovore | Entries tagged with puns

'"It was a face that launched a thousand jokes," writes Kipnis, citing one by Jay Leno: "Linda Tripp told Monica Lewinsky ... she hadn't had sex in seven years. That means that at some point in 1991 some guy got drunker than any man in history." (Rim shot!)'
from: Powell's Daily Review

I dunno about any of you, but considering the lewinsky connection, and the nature of the oral interaction she had with President Clinton, I find the last comment funnier than the initial joke.

The following kind of requires that (a) you're older than about 35 or so and (b) interested in the fairer sex. But not necessarily.

Out of these unattainable women from old music videos, who were the hottest?

Mannequin chicas from Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love
Checkerboard twins from Tom Petty's Don't Come Around Here No More
Stop hotpants lady, coveralls girl, and/or pageboy wig lady from Young MC's Bust A Move
Tawny Kitaen from Whitesnake's Here I Go Again

...And don't get me started on Girls On Film. I almost added Adam Ant from his own Stand and Deliver, but didn't want

chernobylred to spend half the day trying to figure out how to vote more than once.

Current Mood: bouncy

If someone comes close to saying something which is probably already very clear to their audience without stating it outright, are they "skating the obvious"?

Just now in the office, I accidentally committed this offense: "Kona島コーヒーの味は優しいすぎるです、ね。でもコナコーヒーは大体こんなモンです。"

Christ, it's too early on a Monday for this level of pun-ishment, even if I'm the one doing it.

Current Mood: happy

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest. Warning – theses are very punny!

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said,” I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him – a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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Entries tagged with puns

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